I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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