I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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