I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
