Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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