i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
