Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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