I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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