and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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