I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it penis luge time yet?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
