Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
