Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
