My Higher Power is John Stamos
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
