he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I currently don't understand fingers.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
