how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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