from now on my penis is your penis
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize