sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
