Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sext me about skeletons
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
