No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
