Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The adults are the big ones right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
