one word: firstdatebathroomanal
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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