I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize