They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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