Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
