It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
