I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
