The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
