dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
