I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
