Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
as a side note pls kill me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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