Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
