Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
