Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
