come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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