New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
