So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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