the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
