Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
