If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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