would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
