Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
