the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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