My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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