i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
