We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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