So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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