We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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