I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
