and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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