I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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