We're like a lot better than the average bears
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
