Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
