what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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