If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize