I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
