i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
