that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
