you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
