Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
