I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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