When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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