Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
