It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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