I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
