Can i not drive my cunt home
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
