Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
