Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to calm my uterus...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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