So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
