i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
