if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize