Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
