You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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