Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
