Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
