I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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