One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
