Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
