What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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