This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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