I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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