I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
