She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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