my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
