i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
