If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
