Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
