Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
