break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize