hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
whose parrot is this?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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