I intend to get homeless drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
