I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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