I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
