My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
