I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your topless pictures make me question reality
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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