he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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