I'm so fucking centered right now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
