they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
