He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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