why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
