some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
