i will never coherently bang her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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