Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
