i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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