Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
