She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
