He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
