ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
