he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
