all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize