Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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