had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize