I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
